BEDD #30: Me Time

Today looked like this:

Everything is better when it's in a wine glass.

I had the most horrible fever dreams until noon, when I dragged my sorry butt out of bed to the smell of bacon. Then I watched a Christmas-ish movie with my parents, ("Trading Places" because you gotta love some Dan Aykroyd.) and took another nap. I never did end up vomiting-- tmi?-- so I don't really know if this was the flu or not. Didn't stop me from not showering and making myself a milkshake and drinking out of a wineglass because I'm hardcore. Skins UK dominated the rest of the day. What can I say? I'm a sucker for good character development... except that one time when the writing of Franky's character MADE NO BLOODY SENSE A;DLK... and working on a little collage-type thing.

Awh yiss cosmetics

Awhile back, my mum found this really nice dresser in a second-hand shop, and even though it's not something I would have picked out for myself, it's a nice addition to my room. It sits under my mirror, so all my cosmetics and hair products live atop it. Recently, I've noticed that there's a pretty nasty film of eyeshadow-dust mixed with hairspray and bits of foundation building on the pretty nice marble top. (Marble. I am class.) Being the resourceful and creative gal I am, I took the massive pile of Seventeen Magazines that I've been inexplicably getting for 2+ years and made a barrier of sorts. Even though I've never paid for the magazines, I never had the heart to throw them away just in case I needed them for a project one day. Here was that project! I cut out anything that tickled my fancy, which quickly became a very short list of ladies that Seventeen and I actually agree are pretty fantastic (read: Jennifer Lawrence  Emma Watson, Emma Stone and Katy Perry don't judge me). It turned into a pretty okay result with lots of cats... Going back through my copies of the magazine aimed at my age group, I grew frustrated again with a lot of the advice-type stuff. Frankly, I'm a fan of fashion magazines and I'm proud! GEEKS FOR FASHION WOOOO!!! But a lot of the relationship-type advice and such promotes really unhealthy behavior toward the opposite sex... Makes me agitated, but just gives me plenty of cause to promote the coolest webzine on the planet. Rookie mag, guys. Check it out. Changed my life \m/
All this to say, today was Me Time. Yesterday was Me Time. A lot of this break has been Me Time, the quiet days where I hole up in my room and just breathe. For a long time, I thought this was just me justifying being really lazy. This year, more than ever, I've realized how untrue and unfair that is. I need balance. I crave blasting music and fast-paced cities, but I also crave my little room with my laptop and a cup of tea. I used to think this made me "bipolar" or something, but the more I grow up the more I realize how normal that is. Some people have a lot more stamina than me; they can just go go go and that's great for them. But I'm a naturally anxious person who just needs time. Time away, time to think, time to recover. I joke that I hate people all the time, and while the shenanigans of large groups of my peers sometimes get on my nerves, that's wildly untrue. I just need time to myself. I'm one of those eye-roll-y creative types, super duper sensitive. I'm an actress too, so I've just gotten fairly good at hiding it.
Looking back, 2012 was the "Me Time" year. In 2011, I had a really intense year of creating videos, a fairly pronounced emotional struggle at the end of October, and a whole lot of work to look forward to. In the year that followed, I made videos when I could, but not a ton that I'm proud of or took a lot of time/effort. I tried that whole "relationship" thing, but it was hugely unsatisfying. I finished my junior year fairly strong, but accomplished little of note over the summer (besides being tangled up in aforementioned relationship silliness). I attacked my senior year with vigor, but grew disenchanted and bored over and over in a few short months.
By the end of the year, I was craving the structure that vlogging used to give, so this little blog project was born. I'm fairly satisfied with it. 2012 though, was a selfish year. A year that needed to happen, but it was a Me Time year. It was the pause between two phases of my life. I have no doubt that I was more of a child in 2011, and 2012 hosted its fair share of growing pains. But 2013 is the year where I'll start down a path for the next four years, which could impact the rest of my life, or at least a big chunk of it. Freedom is so close I can almost taste it. It's coated in worry and uncertainty and crippling expectations of grandeur, but I'm trying to suck that away as fast as possible so I can get to the nougat-y center of continuing my education in an exciting new way. (I'm really not sure if that metaphor actually works or is just vaguely suggestive.) I started thinking rather seriously about college when I was twelve. And... I've almost made it. Almost. 2013 is going to be that year.
So 2012 was a pause. An important gap in the hectic teenaged years. I got the "inevitables" out of the way. Before I can have crazy college adventures, I have to apply. Before I live on my own, I've got to learn important lessons about how to take care of myself. (read: Coffee is for mornings, otherwise herbal tea. Caffeine induced frenzy is not good for anxiety-riddled brains. Also red meat is actually good for you.) And before I find a prince, I've got to kiss at least one frog, eh?
 2012... I won't miss you. At all. But I'm sure as heck glad you happened. Got all that out of the way!