Study Hall Rambles #1: The Tutor Center

For the first time in my high school career, I have elected to sacrifice earning course credit to have a forty-five minute free period in my day. Intending to become an even higher-achieving high-achiever, this period was originally intended for completing any and all assignments from my first two classes and over-preparing for all my afternoon courses. In reality, I do my best to get out of study hall by getting a magical blue pass from my favorite teacher. I wander the halls and drink a lot of coffee. I've also stopped that terrible buisness of doing homework at home because I can cram all my afternoon assignments into this time (combined with my lunch period if we're talking papers to write).
So despite the fact that I should be studying subjunctive verb conjugations en espanol and reading the first act of Henrik Ibsen's A Doll House, I'm doing what I always do: sipping a cup of joe and musing. My study hall musings are actually incredibly beneficial; some of them have even become the college admissions essays I worry so much about. I feel as if these little breaks in my school day have led to brain exercises that elevate me to higher planes of thinking, inching me closer to perfect self-acualization (read: I am a lazy piece of pretentious crap).Thursday and Friday study halls are a bit different, however. Due to my misleadingly high GPA, I was asked at the beginning of the year to volunteer one or two days of service to the Tutor Center at my high school. The idea is that when students help other students succeed, we will cure cancer and invent cars powered by rainbows. Since the advisor is a math teacher, she figured my english brain might make up for some of the gaps in her knowledge. Ideally, we make a good team. Realistically, there's only two guys in the tutor center during third period, one who needs help with geometry and biology, and one who just wants to get to shop class.
It's hard for me to phrase this in a way that doesn't make me sound uppity and horrible... but I don't spend much time around people like our shop class enamored friend. The tutor center is also conviently right next to my school's "technical education lab," so I often encounter other mechanically-minded gentlemen on the way to and from class. Though the tutoree really doesn't want any of my help, (and my advisor is perfectly content to let me "study spanish" and "work on the newspaper" on the computer ((TUMBLR)) all period), eavesdropping has been illuminating.
If you've ever wondered who actually thinks studded, airbrushed Ed Hardy t-shirts are worth the price, he's your man. If you've ever scoured the earth for someone who earnestly believes lung cancer only effects people who smoke cigarettes "the wrong way," your search would end with him. If for some reason, you're dying to lose your faith in the future of humanity, lend him your ears and your masochistic urge will be forever satisfied!
I'm not being fair. I don't hate this fellow. I don't even dislike him, I'm coming to see. He is so very different from me, and he isn't malicious in any way. He clearly has trouble learning, and by senior year he's become belligerent and unwilling to accept help. He doesn't want to learn, and in a few short months, society will tell him he doesn't have to any more. I don't blame him for longing for a respite of what he clearly considers torture.
That doesn't change the fact that it pains me to watch people in the dark, people who don't take the same joy in an unopened novel that I do. It makes me greatful, however, that I have this weird sponge-like brain that sends all kinds of happy chemicals to all my extremities when I hear names like Victor Hugo or F. Scott Fitzgerald ) because it's helped me succeed in the manufactured school environment.
Then again, try to teach me the finer processes that those happy-making chemicals go through, and I'm stuck. I realize there are people who feel pain like mine when they watch me stumble through my own science/math-ignorant darkness.
So maybe this is idealistic, naive, or just plain reaching for a point. But I love my mornings in the corner of the tutor center, pretending to mind my own buisness, learning lessons that can't be taught in a text book. There are billions of people out there, as my favorite author put it once, we live a world full of people, full to bursting, who are full of talents and gifts and differences that are wonderful and amazing and often go uncelebrated.
That is, unless I don't like you. Then you're just a stupid douchebag who annoys me.
That's how that works, right?
I can only be a mature philosopher for about 600 words, and then my 17-year-oldness kicks in again. Some people suck. Namely, me.

ALSO: Everyone who follows this blog is a person that definitely doesn't suck!! Thanks for the comments, specifically on my last post. They were super helpful and compassionate and just a;ldfkjasd wow I'm lucky you guys are so nice :D

Anxiety darkness BLAH

I realized that once December actually starts, this project will be call BEDD.

Which is appropriate, because I've written a grand total of two blog posts and both of them have been penned from, you guessed it, my bed. 

If you're not a member of my immediate family, you may have been spared from my constant winter-time whining, but I am about to remedy that. I HATE DARKNESS I HATE IT THE SUN SHOULD SET WHEN I GO TO BED NOT AT FOUR IN THE AFTERNOON RAWR ;ALFKDJASD;LK Something about these early sunsets makes me not only weary and lazy, but irritable and anxious. I mean, sure I'm procrastinating on all my homework right now by writing a blog post, but I've been whittling away my time all evening. Edited a video, practiced singing songs for an audition over a month away, and made multiple cups of tea and one cup of hot chocolate with care. My room is even clean... well, not quite clean... organized? Nah. It's tidy. Everything is tucked in its place, (even if that place is under my bed or shoved in a closet).

Plus, I'm writing an extra blog post. BECAUSE I CAN. It's very "me" to write frivolous things like this instead of doing the writing I need to do for school. Due to a bit of unfortunate scheduling, I have AP Literature after my forty-five minute free period... I haven't written a single essay before the day it was due yet. It's becoming a problem, and I keep swearing I'll reform my ways, but I'm a terrible procrastinator and and and and yeah. 

Speaking of procrastination, that college application. THAT COLLEGE APPLICATION. There's just one left. One. More. I mean, I feel like I should apply to more than four schools, but I've already gotten accepted to one of them? So.... I'm good right??? I feel inadequate when some of my peers are applying to ten or more schools. Does my confidence make me cocky? Even my "back-up" school (the University that already accepted me) isn't a shabby school... If offers both of the majors I want with pretty sizable programs for each.

I'm losing my point though. Point is, the one application I can't complete is the place I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really want to go. Like, yeah I applied to Yale on a whim just to test my odds, and if I get in there I'll probably give it some real consideration. But this other University is like. The Thing. It's the reason I tried ridiculously hard in high school, it's the reason I've set crazy high standards for myself, heck it's the reason I've started watching Steven Colbert. There's your only hint to what school it is, haha. Basically, since most of the schools I applied to don't have independent internet applications, I have to use the CommonApp which, despite some of its major flaws, is a pretty neat invention. You fill out one general application with all the normal name-age-socialsecurity# bunk, write a pretty general "personal essay," and send it to a whole bunch of schools. Many schools include a "supplement" if they want to appear prissy and selective if they wish to collect extra information. Yale and The University both did this, and Yale's extra essay was the vaguest thing in the universe. In an essay of less than 500 words, elaborate on something we may not have learned about you from the rest of your application. a;kdlfja;l

I freaked out royally, but eventually churned out something I was really proud of. It was a tongue-in-cheek piece about my crappy hand-me-down car. It captured my voice pretty well, and I'll probably share it with the internet some day. What is rather unfortunate, however, is that my personal essay on the CommonApp pales in comparison. And I've already "locked in" to sending it to every university I'm applying to.

Well, that's alright, right Abby? Just send the pride-worthy car essay to The University too! They have a prissy little supplement too, right? Unfortunately  their essay decided to be slightly less mind boggling-ly vague. It's more specific, that is, not less mind boggling. 

The powers that be wish that I explain why I want to attend said university. What makes their program unique? How will I take advantage of what their undergraduate program has to over? (Read: Please kiss up to us.)

There's no word limit, or even word suggestion. It's not even called an essay-- it's a statement.
I've written out series of declarative sentences hoping that qualifies as a "statement," but I'm convinced I'm over thinking it. Additionally, the declarations are completely sarcastic and cynical. I attempted to capture the same playful voice I liked so much in my Yale essay, but I think it just comes off as apathetic and dark. a;lkjfads;f I have over a month to figure this out, but it's causing me undue stress. I've managed to be semi-chill about the whole panicked omg-my-entire-future-relies-on-this-stupid-online-form-that-a-human-or-handful-of-humans-will-read-and-evaluate feeling, but when it comes to my "dream school," it's impossible to stop my hands from trembling.

AAaaaaaand I just looked up and realized it's past ten PM. Where did that hour go?! I still have to memorize the function of the medulla oblongata for first period tomorrow! I'm also supposed to have written one essay in entirety, started another essay, and dabbled in some espanol~ I guess since I'm already in bed and all... time for some z's!

Now Playing: Bomb in a Birdcage (because A Fine Frenzy is calming and sunshiny)

Keyboard smashes in this post: 3

English Essays left unwritten: 2

College Applications left unfinished: 1

Blog Posts without a;sldfjka;s : 0

Having a go at it

Wow I don't know what I'm doing here at all. (SO MANY BUTTONS)

Here's the dealio:
I make videos on Youtube a lot, but my camera is majorly falling apart. My original plan was to get a shiny dslr-type deal for my high school graduation in roughly seven months, but that's a long time to keep all my thoughts bottled up instead of spewing them out on the internet like I'm used to. Frankly, I think my tumblr followers are sick of the vague "read mores" full of keyboard smashes, so I'm going to work on composing my thoughts more eloquently in a different space.
I want to blog every day in December... or at least the first 25, leading up to that magical day CHRISTMAS!!!!! My original intent was to make fun vlogs for those days, but even some camera repairs will have to wait until post-holiday funds are acquired.
I'm not only okay with the temporary switch from video blogging to written blogging-- I'm rather excited. I write a LOT for my schoolwork (signing up for an entirely language-based course load can do that to a person), and want to keep in good practice of writing for myself. I signed up for nanowrimo again this year, only to chicken out and fail to pen a single word. After years of writing essays and reporting and even the occasional piece of sketch comedy, I've built up a block to fiction writing in my head. I know the only way to get over that is to tackle it head-on, but it's going to have to wait until... we;lkj;sas;dlfkjas;dflkajd; well until I'm good and ready!
So much for a lack of keyboard smashes.


My friend Emily had a go at blogging awhile ago, and she liked to include little count-downs at the end of each post. I'm less organized than her, but I like the idea.
Days until Christmas: 29
College applications left to send: 1 (?)
Waiting for yay/nay: 3
Cups of Coffee Today: 2
Words Capitalized in this Post that Don't need to Be: A lot